More reflections and observations from our guest blogger, Walter Ego.

Until recently I did not believe in anything to do with spirits or the supernatural. But all that changed when my wife drew my attention to some mystery credit card transactions on my statement. At this point I realised that my soul had left my body, taken a taxi to Liverpool, and spent more than £350.00 in something called a table dancing club.

Scientists claim that some criminals are genetically destined to do wrong. A missing “good gene” can lead to anti-social and immoral behaviour. I salute Sir Elton John who is to release a charity song to raise money for more urgent research. The song is called “Goodbye Normal Gene.”

A friend tells me something amusing. Liverpool’s John Lennon Airport has as its slogan a line from Lennon’s song, “Imagine”. The slogan is “Above us only sky”. Unfortunately the airport’s baggage handlers have also taken to heart a line from the same song – “Imagine no possessions”.

I never cease to be amazed by the great value for money offered by our railway network. Recently I paid only £236.00 for a return second class ticket to London. A sandwich and coffee cost only £6.95 and would have been delicious had I been able to squeeze through the standing passengers to the luxuriously appointed buffet car. It is true my train was subject to a long delay, but this was unavoidably caused when Sir Richard Branson’s wallet fell on to the line and a heavy duty crane had to be summoned from Crewe to lift it clear.

My friend Roger has been treated for an addiction to gambling. And I am very pleased to say that when I saw him the other day and asked him how the therapy had gone he told me: “I’ll give you 20 to 1 that I am cured.” Well done Roger!

I have a golf handicap of 12 and am determined to improve. One recent evening I decided to play a few holes alone. After 6 holes I was 4 under par and then I eagled the 7th. Thus I learnt that golf is just like making love – I am brilliant at both of them when I am on my own.

I am lucky to live in an upmarket and refined area of the United Kingdom. Even the charity shops on the high street reveal our sophistication. There’s a Salvation Armani shop. A Brigitte Barnardo’s shop. And, complete with its own drawbridge, a Roy castle.

When my wife and John our milkman were abducted by aliens and returned two weeks later on the same day some people found their stories difficult to believe and tongues began to wag. But instead of gossip and idle tittle tattle our community, nay, the entire nation, should be asking urgently: what do these creatures want? And why should they target an ordinary human woman and a skilled amateur boxer 25 years her junior? Watch the skies!